i was thinking as i was looking around in my room that in 2 months time, i will no longer be able to see it everyday, nor will i be able to see my family or friends as and when i want to. I suddenly realised that all these little things that i've taken for granted will start to haunt me when i leave. i may put up walls and appear like i'm totally looking forward to my foray into independence and a new environment, but somehow i still feel apprehensive, like i'm not ready for such a huge step in my life. all the little things that have been laid out for me on a silver platter will disappear along with the platter and everything else. i have to start from scratch and do everything myself, even all the normally-unseen duties at home; cooking, cleaning, ironing, organising, being held responsible to every little deed; but most of all, i think i will have to find out how to be my own person. all these while, i haven't actively gone on a self-discovery trail though i know what makes me tick and what doesn't, albeit greatly influenced by the company i'm with. so this experience will at least give me the chance to explore and identify what makes me ME, if you know what i mean.
i have a feeling i'll come back a changed person; if not physically, but definitely definitely mentally. stronger, more decisive and independent. that's what i hope i'll get from this, over and above the degree that is :)
i think i need a sunrise,
i'm tired of the sunset.
which is kinda like how i view going overseas to study; being cast in the same everyday life but in a whole new different setting. it's like how the sunrise and sunset are 2 different yet similar events and that we're tired of one so we're trying to replicate what we're used to in a different environment and a different place.
but am i tired of my sunset? not really, it's just that i want my sunrise to remind me of my sunset, but yet also create beautiful memories at the same time. i'm being greedy but isn't everybody?
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