maybe this is not a good idea...

now come to think of it, i don't feel secure writing and revealing ALL my innermost feelings online to a bunch of strangers. i don't know who's going to read this, nor will i feel comfortable knowing. so it's kind of a lose-lose situation. so why am i doing this? it makes no sense. sometimes, i feel like i should pen down my thoughts, just in case i burst if it just wells up inside of me and never comes out. but the security of my trove of thoughts, or rather the lack of it, scares me. it will definitely feel weird if i go to school, or walk along the road, and there are people who know how i feel inside, even if i don't show it. and this most frightening thing is: i have absolutely NO IDEA who these people are! i may be suspecting innocent people, or feeling safe among the people who KNOW. ahh...

maybe i'm babbling. maybe not. i don't know.

i guess some other people seem to think that writing what they feel online becomes a habitual activity because it helps to relive the load of keeping it all inside. but i then ask them, what about all the people who really care? you can just tell these people and it's enough. somebody i know started something public, but wants to keep it private. it's kind of conflicting, the whole aim. right? how can two opposing states exist simultaneously? i feel that contradiction is something phony, much like you're trying to hide behind a protection. someone once said something that goes somewhat like this: everyone hides behind masks, and they are competing with reality to see how much longer they can cope with it before it eventually implodes, crumbling everyting inside. to me, it's true.

well then. i have to see if i should continue this, or just start a real private diary. we'll see.

there is a tide in the affairs of men...
which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune...
but omitted, and the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries...
on such a full sea are we now afloat..
and we must take the current when it serves...
or lose the ventures before us

take chances guys. the message is to take chances before they are gone. gone in a flash even before you know it. don't wait too long considering; stuttering; failing.

nothing could go wrong this week

oh boy.. another blog after stupid diaryland konked off. well i should have guessed; after all it came with such a silly-sounding name like diaryland! owell starting over should be nice.

wednesday was such a wonderful wonderful day!!! WE WON WE WON WE WON!!! oh gosh it was such an adrenaline rush! even thought i wasn't playing but the whole team spirit was evident and everyone was on FIRE! erin especially. margie had some nice hits and considering that we managed to hold hwachong to zero for some of the innings, i have to say we deserved it! whoohoo!!!! i was so happy i was crying like some big crybaby. embarrassment. sniffing away like some dumbass; i couldn't even talk properly. why am i so emotional? sometimes it jsut gets in the way. but still all in all, i am so darn HAPPY!! :)

[we won we won we won we won we won! we beat hwachong! kicked their asses! snatched second place from under their noses! I AM SO PROUD OF OUR TEAM!] i love every one of you guys. you all really made my trainings so very much more enjoyable. you know i used to pity all the other ccas that complain about their coaches, or how their training sucked and all, and feel comforted that mine isn't. i still do, don't get me wrong, but now i also feel so lucky and blessed to have all of you as teammates. YOU ALL ROCK! trainings would definitely have been so different without all your support. especially during all those times when i was "bowling" grounders rather than pitching, you all really did give me encouragement and i have to thank you all for that. especially infield. although i couldn't pitch well enough to be put into play, i won't forget your support. :) each and every one of you. (argh i am so glad i'm typing this down and not saying this in front of you all or i think it will be a tearjerker again.) thanks to coach for staying so patient with me. me and my stubborn pitching that refuses to improve. i really do think he's the best coach i've ever seen. truly earned my respect.

must go support the guys next wed. that will be THE match of the season. the highlight of the softball year. haha and we are so going to kick hc's asses again. :)

no more 2.4 for my ENTIRE life! this is heavenly.

i have dreams of the whole week repeating itself so i can re-feel all the happiness inside. [oh gosh that seriously sounds like song lyrics]